dansing chef
Smart Ass Geeks'
Chicken Curry

Smart ass geeks love to make out that everything they do is insanely difficult when, in fact, you know that they’re really only stupid geeks and that they ain’t really that clever.

Same with this curry recipe. It’s a geek recipe because it tastes great - better than any takeaway - but it’s full of short cuts and any dumb ass geek could make it. Even you! Just follow this recipe.

The quantity of ingredients is ample to feed one person, so just multiply it up if you want to feed more.

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  • cooked chicken - for each person, buy a ready cooked breast or leg from your
  • supermarket or, if you’re cooking for four or more people, get a ready-cooked whole chicken.
  • medium sized onion
  • garlic (optional - assuming you like garlic)
  • curry powder - unless you know what you are doing, I humbly suggest a mild madras curry powder
  • half a tin of chopped tomatoes
  • sunflower oil
  • tamarind chutney (optional) This adds some punch and an authentic background taste. You can find on the specialist chutney shelves of large and poncy supermarkets.
  • boiling water.

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Skin and roughly chop the onion and a couple of cloves of garlic. Put a splash of the oil in a frying pan or large saucepan and gently fry the chopped onion and garlic over a low heat. Stir it from time to time so that it doesn’t burn. It’ll take about 10 mins to go all soft and floppy - which is exactly what you want.
Meanwhile, using your hands, remove the skin off your bit of cooked chicken and get the bones out. With cold cooked chicken, this is easiest done with your fingers. Most of the chicken will break into smallish fork-sized pieces as you do this ... if there are any big bits left over, chop ‘em with a knife. Make sure you get all the bones out coz, once you start guzzling the finished curry, you won’t be pausing for any bones that lodge themselves halfway down your gullet.
When the onion’s ready, add the chopped chicken bits into the pan where the onion’s been frying. Using a wooden spoon, stir and turn over the pieces while sprinkling curry powder onto the mixture. Get it so that all the chicken and onion is just coated with the curry powder.

Add a big teaspoon of the tamarind chutney.

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On a very low heat, gently cook and stir the oniony chicken with its curry powder coating. This low heat cooking will help bring out the flavour of the curry. Cook like this for about 4 minutes. Keep stirring so that the stuff doesn’t burn at the bottom of the pan.
Add half a tin of chopped tomatoes. Bring to the boil and then cover the pan and simmer very gently. Stir from time time and, add the occasional splash of boiling water so that it doesn’t stick and burn at the bottom of the pan.
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It’ll be ready to eat after 25 mins but if you get delayed or if your ungrateful dinner party guests decide to hit the boozer and turn up late for your carefully planned Indian soiree, just bung the lid on the saucepan and chuck it in an oven at 180C where it should be quite happy for another 30 mins. (Obviously, make sure that you are using an oven-suitable pan before you do this. i.e. no wooden or plastic handles, no non-stick pans, etc.)
  • Rice (which you can boil while the curry is cooking)
  • Onion bhajees - which you can buy from a supermarket (make a bhajee sauce by mixing some mint jelly with a small pot of plain yoghurt).
  • Fresh coriander leaves could be cut up and sprinkled on top as a garnish (again, you can get this from a supermarket).
  • Puppodums.
  • Lots of interesting chutneys. Try mango or hot lime pickle.
Once you’ve made this stuff a couple of times, you’ll be able to make it with your eyes closed and, from start to finish, the time you spend making this curry probably amounts to less than if you were to telephone out for a takeaway. Also it’s gonna be much cheaper than any takeaway and smart ass geeks love saving money coz it gives them something to brag about.
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